Sometimes I read the things that I write on this blog of mine and, I’m on the brink of tears. Everything is just so emotional and it saddens me. I’m not sure why I get so many views to be honest but, I’m grateful.
It shocks me to see how all the emotion that I do not have are shared evenly across every word that I type. It shocks me to know that I can play with words, rhyme and be direct but indirect at the same time. It shocks me to see that deep down, I’m a girl with feelings. Most of all however, I’m shocked at the fact that when I read my posts, I see names written all over them. Names that you can not see because you don’t know the story behind any of my posts. I am amazed at how much inspiration I could get from the misters that I like(was going to say love but that’s a tad bit too deep y’know).
I always say things like ‘it’s just a post, it doesn’t mean anything’ but, that’s not the truth. All my posts are about someone somewhere. I have to feel the emotion to be able to attempt describing it using words. I have to be in that situation, say those words, feel the love, hate, lust, pain, temptation, rejection. So, it isn’t fake, I just exaggerate a lot to make it sound deeper that it really was. Like, I could have just kissed a boy that I fancied and moved on with my life but, I’ll make it sound like we had sex and he walked out of my life without saying goodbye. The trick is to find out which emotions were real, what incidents actually occurred, whether or not I really cried, which ‘him/you’ I was referring to.
I’ll give you a clue about the last bit. ‘Note to self’, ‘My mini battlefield’ and ‘Just a few thoughts’ are all about the same ‘Him’ and it kills me to admit it. It kills me to know how much time I spend thinking about a boy. It kills me to see that I want the whole world to know about this person. To know that this person inspires me to write so much bullshit. I mean, there’s only three up here but, there are a lot more on my phone(notes) and on my laptop. I even have mini posts in my head right now. All for the same person.
Eorvrodyokgsoegujeeigfege. I’m going crazy guys, help me. I’m such a hopeless romantic and I don’t know what to do.