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This is too deep. I’ve never actually thought of ending my life for two reasons
1) There may be so many things wrong with my life but, not everything is wrong. I like to focus on the positive parts of my life and stay grateful for them. It’s never about the negatives. +I’m just awesome. People would miss me if I took my life away. The world will mourn a great loss. Why would I do that to 7 billion people? I’m not that cruel.
2) I was brought up believing that I don’t own my life. That my soul belongs to God so, he’d take it when he wants. Killing myself would be a sin and that’ll put me on a straight train to hell. Mandems don’t want to burn in hell y’know.

Suicide is actually so extreme. I mean, even when I get minor cramps, I rummage through my things in frantic search for aspirin just so I don’t feel pain. Stabbing myself or hanging myself or taking drugs or jumping off a building is too much pain for me to bear. I could never.

A few months ago, during the lowest point of my life, I only ever considered not being there for a moment. Maybe a day or a week. Just taking a break from life. Running away. Sleeping for a week. I never even consider slipping into a coma for a few days talk less of completely ending my life.

My life is a beautiful gift which I received for free. I’ve got so many opportunities available to me. Loads of beautiful friends. An annoying family that brings drama to my life. People I care about and people that care about me. Lives to make a positive impact on and marks to make on the world. Also, my ‘Once Upon A Time’ love story is just about to begin. That’s enough for me to love my life and live cautiously and well as carefree until one day, I’m not here, on earth anymore.

Don’t ever think of ending your own life. It’s more important than the problems you’re going through.

Love
Far from suicidal A
X

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2 thoughts on “Day 5. A time I thought about ending my own life.

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