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So I’ve been meaning to tell everyone about my current favourite songs for a while. I just never got round to it because I don’t usually know how to explain what certain lyrics mean to me although, I would try in this post.

These songs have been on replay throughout the month of March for a number of reasons. The main reason is because March is deadlines month at uni. I get stressed when I have too many things to do at once. Actually, I start to panic and with panicking comes worrying and overthinking. Usually, when you start overthinking about one situation, all these negative things start to resurface.

Let me explain better. This is exactly how my brain works – Ugh I have three pieces of coursework due in two weeks. How would I do that as well as study? I don’t want to fail *heart starts beating fast* I’m actually scared…last time I was this scared was two years ago when blah blah blah. Wow that really hurt me. Why did I stay there? Why would anyone do that to me? I’m so stupid for investing so much…wow my life is a mess

It’s a cycle and that is why I occupy my thoughts with more important things. It was just a lot harder this month. Which is partly funny because it’s been the most exciting month so far. I really should write an anonymous book about my 2017 encounters.

Anyway, this is what I’ve been listening to constantly. I’m going to point out the lyrics that moved me and give a brief explanation on why it touched me.

“Ain’t nobody hurt you like I hurt you and ain’t nobody love you like I do.”

Imagine equating love with hurt. I love you therefore, I will hurt you the most. I’ve had someone say to me ‘you weren’t in a relationship with those guys but we’re dating so I wouldn’t treat you as nice’ mind blown lmao. Did I hear someone at the back say men boys are scum? This song really makes me angry. Life is so simple, if being with someone makes them unhappy then, let them be happy with someone else.

“Ain’t nobody hurt you like I hurt you but ain’t nobody need you like I do’

There are people in this world that I feel like I need in my life. I may not go out of my way to force them to stay but, I do try to make sure we’re both in a space where we we’re comfortable enough to coexist together. So if you really needed someone in your life, you’d make them comfortable enough to want to stay.

 

I don’t know why but I absolutely love this song. Even though birdy didn’t sing the original song, I like her version better. The very first line of this song is so compelling. “Come one skinny love just last the year”. Imagine being in a space where you’re begging the love you think you have to last the year. This used to be me years ago like damn can this love last till May so we can have our anniversary and things would magically be different afterwards. The goal was to just last the year and I’d be so disappointed in myself for getting angry (rightfully) when I felt like I was being disrespected because that would eventually end up in an argument and arguments meant breakups and breakups meant my skinny love wouldn’t be able to last the year. So this line “And I told you to be patient and I told you to be fine” speaks volumes.

 

Honestly, I just like the way she said “you know you can’t have me. But you kiss me anywayyyyy”. Like don’t kiss me or touch my soul if you’re not ready to follow through.

 

This is just to add a little bit of banter to my playlist. There’s absolutely nothing funny about this song but I laugh every time it comes up because I sent this to someone once and my excuse was that I didn’t know how to put my thoughts into words. Please cry with me. I’m really dramatic because the only part of this song that had anything to do with me at the time was “say something”. Oh well, one more funny story to tell.

 

“Your heart is broken ‘cause I walked away”

I saw a tweet that said ‘the problem with empathy is you feel bad for toxic people as well’. We would never really know Beyoncé’s relationship problems but assuming Jay-Z really did step out on their marriage, surely she has the right to walk away right? I just think it’s so powerful how even in the midst of her hurt, she’s not only acknowledging that walking away hurt the love of her life. She even goes a step further to say “show me your scars and I won’t walk away”. I’m more of a show me your scars and I’ll replace them with deeper injuries type of girl but I guess in some situations, love really is selfless.

 

I can’t believe this song is so old. I hope my future husband is out there getting his heart broken so when we have our first dance to this song, we’d both sing “God bless the broken road that led me straight to you” with so much passion.

 

So I went for a 6lack concert on Monday and when I tell you my life is complete, I mean my life is complete. It was so surreal seeing the love of my life in person. Even though I was right at the back of the crowd, I could still feel the connection. Let me tell you guys a secret real quick…I send 6lack a message everyday on Snapchat. Issa relationship and he ain’t even know. I reply to his stories and give him words of encouragement because I feel like he’s hella shy. So I’m just always like ‘you are beautiful and you are talented and your album is amazing’ etc. My friends laugh but it’s okay because not everyone has to understand true love. Anyway, I love his whole album but this song is my song and I went crazy when he performed it. “I swear no matter what I touch it breaks so I no longer want to see your face”.

 

Love,

A

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