I wrote this back in march and I wasn’t sure if I was going to post it or not but, here it goes…
I think like most people, I grew up in the church. We had house fellowships and a whole new rccg (Jesus house) parish had originated from one of our frequent fellowships. Following that, I went to highschool in Lagos and although it wasn’t a religious school in particular, the word was constantly being preached to us.
We had devotions every morning. Both in hostel and after breakfast. We were also blessed with a woman of strong faith as our housemistress. So, for every concern that you would take to her, the first response would be ‘pray about it’ or ‘let me pray with you’. It was in high school that I really got to build on my faith. I had started to read the word with a lot more understanding and generally draw so close to God, it was unbelievable. I also began to read the bible in a year which I haven’t finished 8 years later. Shame.
Fast forward to college where I slowly started to withdraw. I never understand why people say ‘fell off track’ because the truth is nobody falls off anything. They start to slowly walk away from the route that they were initially on. Imagine you’re supposed to be walking in a straight path but each day, you walk 10 degrees away from the initial path. Eventually, you’d be on a whole new journey in a whole new direction and that was me. I started to worry more, read my bible less and of course, pray less.
This got 100 times worse in uni. I would go months without acknowledging the existence of God. Studying science makes believing in religion so much harder because how can I bring myself to believe that God created me when I am fully aware of the central dogma. How can I pray for healing when I know about signalling pathways and the body’s inability to sometimes correct certain ailments…I took a module on the biochemical basis of diseases for Godsake . It was just tough. Coupled with the fact that I was in a whole new world, dealing with problems that I had no business dealing with. Long story short, I was distracted and side tracked into believing that there was a logical solution to every situation. Not God, not miracles not anything but, simple logic and maybe a bit of science.
How did that go for me? Tbh, I turned out okay. Things could have been better if I asked the Holy spirit for direction or if I didn’t feel like I could solve my problems on my own.
It’s 2017 and I’m currently trying to rekindle my relationship with my creator. It is kind of weird because on the days where I remember to pray, I don’t know what to say. My prayers usually start with ‘hey God, do you remember me from 2010?’ It may sound stupid but I don’t know how else to start.
The greatest thing about religion for me is the love of God. I spent the whole of 2016 trying to wrap my head around Gods love for me. Once you realise who you are in Christ, you automatically understand that you are special and you will begin to remove yourself from situations that don’t make you feel special. So relationships, friendships, certain environments too. I would never say christians shouldn’t go here or go there because I am aware of the fact that everyone’s journey is different. I believe that as time goes on, we would all start to weed out parts of our lives that don’t reflect the presence of God in our hearts. That to me is the most important thing.
In the end, I am really happy I grew up in the church because even though I did stray away from religion for a few years, I have the word of God instilled in my heart. So sometimes I find bible passages rolling off my lips. On the days where I feel down and boarderline worthless, I am able to remind myself of the promises of God for his children. It’s funny because the other day, I was speaking to my friend about how somebody in my life was a breath of fresh air because for the first time in a while, I didn’t feel like I was being judged or scrutinised. Following that statement I said ‘this has to be the kind of people that God puts in our lives so we understand what He meant by there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ’. While this might not be the right time to bring up bible passages, I’m just so amazed at how much I can actually retrieve from buried memory.
In summary, my Christian journey is clearly disjointed but the most important thing is that I am willing to know more and grow closer to my creator. There are areas where I fall and areas where I stand tall. Sometimes I cannot hold my tongue and other times, my mouth is shut but my heart conceives evil thoughts which do not reflect God’s presence in my life. At the end of the day, I am human and I would never be perfect.
While you’re here, I’d love for you to enjoy my new favourite song in the whole world.
What’s your Christian journey like?